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Turning a significant number

Today I turned 30!

I’ve dreaded it for ages, partly because I was worried about getting old, but mostly because I had it in my head that I would be all better by the time I turned 30. I thought I would have my life sorted. I hoped by now, I would have healed and moved on (oh how naive I was).

I’ve come to realise that this is the best age I’ve ever been:

  • I finally feel that my life has a future, I’d always had this feeling that my life was going to go nowhere. I now have goals, I have dreams, I have hope, I see that wonderful light at the end of this tunnel.
  • I have an amazing husband and two beautiful children (plus my pregnancy and giving birth days are over, woop!).
  • I have a growing confidence in myself  and my beliefs.
  • I’m comfortable in my body and I’m happy (mostly 😉 ) with the way I look.
  • I’ve finally started to say no(!) sometimes. I’ve been a people pleaser for too long.
  • I could go on…

On my birthday last year, I realised that I wasn’t well. I also realised how tired I was of hiding who I really was and how tired I was of hiding my past. I decided that I couldn’t face another birthday with my past still controlling me. Two weeks later, I began therapy.

So here I am, at another birthday, therapy is not over as planned and I’ve had the most painful, most difficult year of my life. The old me would be down and would be beating myself up. Today though, I am the new me. I choose to focus on the positives and the progress I have made. I will hold on to that with all the hardships to come, because it’s worth it, the end goal is worth it. I am worth it.

I am proud of me today.

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3 thoughts on “Turning a significant number

  1. You should be proud of yourself, you have already achieved so much. I’m sure you will continue to make even more progress and that 2013 will be your year. And don’t worry about being 30, age is definitely just a number. I still feel 21 in my head 🙂 x

  2. Your entry reminded me about funny memories about turning 30. I was in panic attack thinking what the 30’s will be. I started looking around at people around that age and observing them, thinking “what a 30-year old person should be like”. Funny thing, I discovered that there are not much of difference! 🙂 The big difference, if I may say, is that being in the 30’s circle made me realize that there are still a lot to be thankful for, there are more exciting things to do and discover, there are more stories to tell and listen to… and most of all, there are still time to know more about myself 🙂 Welcome to Club 30’s 🙂

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