Home » General » I can’t write so I’ll moan instead.

I can’t write so I’ll moan instead.

I am too tired to even write properly, no words are forming in my head, yet I feel like I need to get something out, but I am not even sure what that something is. I know I have processing to do, I know that I experienced some memories yesterday that I want to write about, yet I sit in front of my paper journal, or my online journal, or here and nothing. So no poetry today, just a moan..

We have my husbands family visiting, who we haven’t seen in a very long time, they are great, I love them a lot and I’m glad to see them.

It’s day four and I’m not doing so great. I go to bed each evening with hopes of feeling better when I wake, yet it seems each morning I feel worse. I am exhausted, nightmares are so frequent right now. I am stressed out, my chest aches, I feel like I can’t keep up with my own thoughts, they seem to be split in two and I don’t know which way to follow. I am dissociating lots and feel pressured to keep focused, particularly as I am driving often, I have to fight through it each morning before I drive. Yesterday I was having intrusive thoughts that I was struggling to contain, I think where we went yesterday was triggering for me, I didn’t realise until we were there and had been for a while.

Four more days (with two half days at work) and then they leave, I don’t want to wish for them to go at all 😦 I like them so much. Instead, I wish I didn’t feel this way.

So, I feel terrible, but still have the normal pressures of motherhood and the added pressure of interaction with and hosting our guests. I feel like crying, but smile at everyone instead.


6 thoughts on “I can’t write so I’ll moan instead.

  1. Jesus, You said that You came to heal the brokenhearted, to set captives free, and to provide liberty to those who are in bondage. I thank You that while it doesn’t seem like any of this is going on, you’re at work. Please give this dear one all that is needed to get through tomorrow graciously…and then for the next day and the next. In Jesus Name, Amen.

    I understand about dissociation. That used to be where I lived my life every day until just this last year. I’m not sure when it left, but it did. I had 13 people (3 of my kids, 2 spouses, and 5 children under the age of 7, plus my hubby and me). For the first time so far as I can remember, dissociation did not occur.

    Last year I became aware of being DID (or MPD). There were clues along the way that there was a “mini-me.” That freaked me out for a bit. Jesus allowed her to stay long enough to reveal her dark secrets, and then graciously took her with Him. I never knew anything like it was possible. He has healed me of so much. Hearing that you are so stirred up, I have confidence that He is about to do a wonderful work of healing in you as well!

    May you be enveloped in His peace.
    Praising Jesus who heals us.

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