I woke in agony this morning, I feel as if my chest might explode, I hurt so badly. I called in sick to work, I can’t be there, I can’t fake a smile, I can’t chit chat, I just can’t.
My baby is going out for the day with his childminder, so I have a break from him, but my older child is around. I am not sure that being at home will help me feel better, I am hyper vigilant and the noise of my child and even his movements (kids jump around so damn much) is too much right now. I feel like I need time out, but I’m not even sure where I’d go.
I know I need a release from this, I probably need to cry, but it just isn’t that simple. I am counting the hours to seeing my T tomorrow, I hope I can find some kind of relief from this then. Pain is what I wanted, I knew I needed to feel and I’ve been slowly starting to do that, but it’s becoming almost unbearable. This is the way forward, it’s still what I want and need to do, but it hurts so much, the pressure on my chest.. it makes me feel like I’m going to throw up, I feel like I can’t breathe.