One way exit.

I think I was suicidal for a long time, longer than I realised. It was my way out for years. I held it close, it helped to know that I could choose to end it, I had that choice and it was mine, no one could take that away.

 

Trigger warning

 

When everything is too much

& you cannot take any more

you look for the exit

the way out, a door.

 

But when the exit is one way,

and there would no returning

it can leave you feeling hopeless

tormented and yearning.

 

Feeling suffocated by darkness

you are desperate for light

for the beacon of hope

to make your pathway bright.

 

You know you want change

but that doesn’t mean forever,

and it doesn’t mean no more

you aren’t talking never

 

but oh how it teases

sickeningly it’s hope in despair

that exit, that one way street

it’s a safety net that will always be there.

 

No it’s not a beacon,

but a permanent ending

not a light, or a respite,

there would be no returning.

 

Yet…oh it’s a choice

it cannot be taken away

and that brings you comfort,

enough to make it through the day.