Trigger warning- there’s a whole heap of swearing.
I am so angry, so very very angry. How dare you, how fucking dare you intrude on my session, my first session back with my T. How dare you force your way in like that, it was so unwanted and so unexpected. You were completely unwelcome.
Fuck you, I hate you. I hate you so much right now. It was progress, it felt good, I was sharing, I was in control. I was reaching understanding and I was safe with my T. But you had to worm your way in and strike when I wasn’t prepared. So now it’s about that and it’s about you and I feel embarrassment that I don’t want. I’m raging.
Oh but do you know what? It makes me feel alive and so very strong. I used that rage, I grounded. I got angry and I took back control. Fuck you, I said no and I made you leave, who is the strong one now? Who is in control now.. it’s not you. I’m in charge, I choose when you come in, those sessions are mine, MINE. It is my place to feel safe, my time to talk and remember what I want to, when I want to. Your horrors will not come back to me, not there, not in my sessions, unless I invite them, in my own way, under my control. I will confront you when I am ready. You don’t get to choose. It’s about me, not you, not anymore.
Exhausted now, head is killing me, but hoping that getting this out will help me re focus on today’s T session and the important issues we explored today. It seemed important to share. Thank you for taking the time read.