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Fears and Positives

 

So the week hasn’t improved, in fact its seems to be getting worse, woo, lucky me! I had an incredibly stressful day at work yesterday where I had to work an extra shift, I came home and kinda collapsed. Today, I have a cold. I guess it was to be expected. I feel like I’ve been fighting illness all week. I have taken the day off work today, sent the baby to the childminder and spent some time with my big boy, which hasn’t proven to be all that relaxing, but still, at least I am home. And it’s so good to be home!

I’m utterly overwhelmed right now, there’s so much going on, so much to deal with, so much to avoid too. I’m trying hard to focus on the good and recognise that this will pass because it has before and I hold on to the hope that it will again.

Today, I am grateful for my husband, who is taking care of me. I am grateful for my children, who seem to adore me. I am grateful for the good weather, the one nice day between the rain and wind storms this week. I am grateful for my home and the comfort I feel here. I am grateful for those in my “Circle of Trust” who continue to support and encourage me, particularly when things are bad. I am grateful for my family and for my friends. I am grateful for my job, however hard it can be, I do love it and I am good at it. 🙂

I fear tomorrow and what I know I need to face, I fear releasing what I know I feel and I’m desperately trying to keep a lid on. I fear letting go of what I’ve always known, I fear the reality of what was. But I look forward to seeing my T and the comfort and safety that he brings and most of all I look forward to taking another step towards healing.

It is hard right now and oh, how I wish it would end, but I do have a new life already and it is good to remind myself of that. My life is mine and it is here now. I am free and I am safe, I am loved and I love back. I am strong, even if I don’t feel it, I look back at all I have accomplished and I can see that strength and courage have to be within me to face all that I have and to come out victorious each time. I’m doing well and that is something to hold onto in during these dark days.

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One thought on “Fears and Positives

  1. “My life is mine and it is here now. I am free and I am safe, I am loved and I love back. I am strong, even if I don’t feel it, I look back at all I have accomplished and I can see that strength and courage have to be within me to face all that I have and to come out victorious each time. I’m doing well and that is something to hold onto in during these dark days.”
    Wow! Such heartfelt eloquence. You’re amazing. Well done.

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