I cannot face my journals at all right now. The log in screen for my online journal is enough to make my stomach drop. My paper one has remained locked away, whenever I consider it, I feel myself filled with dread. I know I would benefit from getting some of this out, but it’s as if what I need to release is buried underneath a whole heap of mess that I just do not want to, or cannot face.
I am an emotional wreck, quick to anger, I feel aggressive almost. At the same time, the tears come out of nowhere, briefly falling until I am back in control again. I feel like there’s a big ball in my chest, full of emotion waiting to be freed. It surges up inside me and almost spills over at times, but it’s not enough to provide any relief.
I know I need a release. I want and need to free what is buried beneath all the issues I have right now. I want to let go of some of this pain and anger. I do not like feeling this way, I feel sort of stuck, I’m not feeling what I need to feel, nor am I facing what I need to face. There’s so much dragging me down, anchoring me to the spot and not allowing me to move forward.
I am desperate to feel some inner peace right now. I need to hang on until I see my T on Friday, I am confident that he will help me find some sort of relief.