Home » My Journey » My friend.

My friend.

Well yesterday I couldn’t write at all, but today I have been able to some.

I’ve had a difficult day, I don’t remember the last time I felt this triggered. It’s horrendous, I had to leave the office several times because the memories were making me physically sick. It’s awful, the flashbacks are hitting me in waves. Each time I think I am in control it happens again.

This is normal? To be expected? I am not crazy, right?

The memories have not been dealt with, they are new and so I feel sick and traumatised each time they hit. I am counting the hours until I see my T.

Something I wrote earlier.

 

My only thought that day:

I would have sacrificed for you

Oh I should have found a way

so you wouldn’t know this too

 

Though together in this hate

it was never meant to be

I had accepted my fate

it was not for you, just me.

 

My chest felt crushed

and I could barely breathe

Yet the weight of the reality

was far greater than him.

 

I knew you were near,

we were never far apart.

A wall between our bodies

only served to bind our hearts.

 

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2 thoughts on “My friend.

  1. About 2 years ago, I had my first bout with PTSD, didn’t have any idea what it was at first. I was already in therapy at the time, fortunately. Eventually, after I dealt with those particular memories, the PTSD stopped. For that particular issue, at least. It takes some time to purge, depending on how ready you are to deal with it, or how able your mind is to cope… but you will get through it and then those memories will just feel like distant memories eventually. Hugs.

    • Thank you for the support and the reassurance. I’ve certainly seen a similar pattern before, tons of flashbacks and dreams, then I deal with that trauma and the symptoms for that leave me. Yesterday was the most intense I’ve ever experienced it, I was afraid I was going crazy. Thank you for your comment, it’s really appreciated.

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