It’s been a rough few weeks, I still feel hideous, worse in some ways, but I managed to release some of it in therapy last week. The symptoms are calm, my stress levels are somewhat reduced. My thoughts are firmly planted in the past though. I don’t want to explain it all because there’s lots going on and it’s so big, it’s all so huge.
I feel like what I am dealing with now has connected me with myself back then. I’m shocked by the magnitude of what I endured, it’s no longer so separate as it was, I’m forced to look at it as a whole.
The current “incident” I am dealing with, represents so much and any denial I had is gone. All good, right? Progress, absolutely? But overwhelmed and intense pain are the things I feel, rather than any relief. I hang onto the knowledge that the relief will come one day.
So, today I find myself with the urge to write and it’s all been addressed to “him”. I can’t get “him” off my mind. I will share some, those I can at least; it helps.