Have you ever been to that edge, have you ever reached the point when you almost stepped over? All those feelings and thoughts that push you to that point, there’s so much chaos and noise pushing you further and further away from the light and towards the darkness. And then as you are teetering on the edge it’s as if all the noise and chaos is just gone and you can feel the silent, emptiness ahead. It’s your way out and there’s something so blissful about it. It is quite scary how enticing it can be.
I’ve been there a few times, the last time when I was dangerously close to going over, I said to my friend “I’m on the edge” and he simply said “step back from that edge”. That’s all it took. I stepped back, back into the noise, back into the chaos, but also back on the pathway towards light.
Every time I feel this way, when I fear I am moving towards that edge, I remind myself of my friend’s words, I take a deep breath and I step away.
Today is hard, as was yesterday and as I know tomorrow is likely to be. Sometimes, I feel ready to give in. It’s so tiring trying to fight it all the time. I feel so needy, so desperate, but I won’t go over that edge, I am certain of that. I just wish it were easier.