Well that feeling weird this morning continued all day. Lots of ups and downs today, I’ll take the ups whenever I can get them, I am grateful for those.
I am feeling quite unwell this evening, I gave up trying to do anything, even watching TV seemed too much effort, so bed time was 9pm tonight. I’m tired, but I feel too wired up for sleep.
I think I’ve been dissociating today, I have some memory loss of parts of today, I guess that is to be expected, given the triggering pain that has continued.. if not worsened, throughout the day.
I’m feeling really gross, if I had the energy I’d shower. I keep reminding myself that I am not that teen, I am a grown woman, in my home, with my husband and my children. It’s hard though. It’s hitting in waves (the way these things always seem to?). I hate feeling so dirty, I hate feeling as if his touch is still lingering on me, as if he’s only just walked away. It’s horrific.
Is there something I should or could be doing to make these feelings leave? Is there a way of taking control, that I am missing? Am I doing something wrong? Or is this just another feeling I need to ride out?