Home » My Journey » Paranoid.

Paranoid.

 

Why don’t I feel differently this morning? I need to get a grip, I’m safe, nothing has changed, yet I feel more paranoid rather than less.

I fear I’ve lost some of the footing I had gained. It’s like I’ve been climbing a mountain and the last few days I’ve slipped down a little-back to where I used to be. Except this time it is different and I need to remember that. There are no footholds above me, the climb back up should be swift, but I can’t seem to get back to climbing. I feel frozen with this.

Last night my husband had to shower with me, I couldn’t face being alone upstairs at night.. that is an old fear, something that left me long ago. My youngest is going through a shrieking phase, it’s ear splitting and if I react, he does it more. It reduces me to tears each time. I am on edge, the hyper vigilance is constant and it’s making me so jumpy.

I feel stuck in old fears and paranoia and it’s making me want to shut down, delete contacts with people, close down my Facebook and I feel ridiculous saying this, but it makes me want to leave the town I am in and start again somewhere else. Madness huh? Because nothing has changed. I am not unsafe.

I’m so annoyed with myself for being so irrational and so paranoid, the word hysterical crossed my mind!

I hope this passes soon

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Paranoid.

  1. I’ve been feeling a little similar myself recently. I can totally empathise with feeling unsafe. I feel unsafe an awful lot- but just remember, on your better days, you will be able to fight that feeling more easily. For now, try to focus on the positives- you got to have more alone time with your husband, which, despite the circumstances, must have been at the very least reassuring. x

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s