Why don’t I feel differently this morning? I need to get a grip, I’m safe, nothing has changed, yet I feel more paranoid rather than less.
I fear I’ve lost some of the footing I had gained. It’s like I’ve been climbing a mountain and the last few days I’ve slipped down a little-back to where I used to be. Except this time it is different and I need to remember that. There are no footholds above me, the climb back up should be swift, but I can’t seem to get back to climbing. I feel frozen with this.
Last night my husband had to shower with me, I couldn’t face being alone upstairs at night.. that is an old fear, something that left me long ago. My youngest is going through a shrieking phase, it’s ear splitting and if I react, he does it more. It reduces me to tears each time. I am on edge, the hyper vigilance is constant and it’s making me so jumpy.
I feel stuck in old fears and paranoia and it’s making me want to shut down, delete contacts with people, close down my Facebook and I feel ridiculous saying this, but it makes me want to leave the town I am in and start again somewhere else. Madness huh? Because nothing has changed. I am not unsafe.
I’m so annoyed with myself for being so irrational and so paranoid, the word hysterical crossed my mind!
I hope this passes soon