An afternoon out with my beautiful family. A walk through the park,
the light departing, the wind rising, howling through the trees and it is all so similar, far too familiar.
And just like that the sound has gone and I can’t rip my eyes from those trees looming, menacingly over me.
I can’t fight as I know what is coming, as I am drawn back to hell. Like a black hole, I can feel you pulling me through.
Beside me I feel your hand around mine, leading me away from safety. Always leading me away.
Your smell hits me hard and I am frozen in fear, somewhere inside I sink to my knees
because I remember this night and what is ahead for me.
And I am willing you to let go. Please, I beg you, let go of my hand, let me go back to them.
I can hear sobbing and I know it’s coming from within me, but it feels so far away,
it’s like being under water, desperately I am clawing my way to the surface.
And as quick as I left, I know I am back. The sound returns and the cold air hits.
I smile brightly at my children as I run my hands through my hair and stamp my feet to ground.
They are blissfully unaware of the sobs I am containing.They are oblivious to my haunting.
But not my husband, not him. He knows where I’ve been and he knows that you took me. He knows.
And as he takes my hand gently leading me away from you, I know he will never let go.