Thank you for the support this week. To those who have shared parts of their own stories in order to encourage me, thank you for your bravery.
Today is therapy day, I have 3.5 hours of work first, then a little time to myself to write before I see my T. I am so nervous, more so than last week, when I knew I’d be talking about a trauma. I can’t eat, I feel sick, my stomach is in knots.
I hope to explore the way I feel and maybe let some of it out. This feeling stuff always scares me. I hate crying (but hey, who enjoys it?), but I trust my T and if that is what needs to happen, then OK.
While nervous, I am counting the hours until I see my T. I need- I mean, really need some reassurance from him.
All week long, I’ve been stuffing down my feelings, desperately trying not to allow them any breathing room. On top I have a layer of anger and each and every time one of those other feelings tries to escape, that anger turns into rage, until the feeling is smothered and pushed right back down again.
It’s exhausting. I hope for some relief from that today.