It is no secret (online at least), that I suffer with PTSD. There was a time when it was so crippling, each and every moment was a fight for me.
Somewhere along the way, the PTSD has improved. I have whole days where PTSD symptoms are at such a low level I barely notice them. Unfortunately, they never completely disappear, but hell, compared to this time last year, or 6 months ago, it is such an incredible difference.
I was fearful therapy wouldn’t improve the symptoms, in fact, I was certain it wouldn’t. Talking therapy isn’t supposed to help PTSD- I knew I needed that sort of therapy to deal with the cause, but I never expected it to help with the symptoms.
My T taught me how to handle the symptoms, which helped me manage the PTSD, but I remained skeptical when he suggested that there could ever be an end to the PTSD from “just” talking.
Oh, how wrong was I?
Sure, I am not cured (can you ever be completely cured from PTSD?), but the improvement of symptoms in my day to day life is nothing short of staggering. I more than function most days. Some days, it isn’t just going through the motions, I actually feel like I am living!
Today is a bad PTSD day, anxiety and hyper vigilance mostly. I have not had hyper vigilance in weeks, so immediately I felt frustrated and angry with myself. Yet, a year ago, I could not go more than a day or so without hyper vigilance.
I should not be angry with myself, I should be thrilled with my progress. If I didn’t feel so bad, I should be celebrating such a huge and amazing change. I have suffered for so very long, I deserve to celebrate that progress, don’t I?
So PTSD sucks, I still stand by that, but it can get better, it really can and I do not want to forget that especially on difficult days. It will pass. It has before, it will again.