Home » My Journey » That day.

That day.

That day, should never have happened. There are times I still feel angry at myself. Does that mean I am not yet guilt free? Maybe it isn’t as simple as that..

I hurt today- my body remembers over and over again- and more than that, my heart aches for her and for me.

It was never meant to be that way; not for her, not for us, not together and not that way. If it had to happen, I should have been alone.

I am angry at me, for loving her and for allowing our friendship to grow. I should have known better than to let her love me back and let her into my screwed up world.

If I had any idea what would be that day, I would have fought harder to keep her safe. I loved her so much, I would have died that death alone, a thousand more times over, to keep her from ever knowing that pain. I didn’t, I couldn’t. I was as helpless as her- but like all the times before, it should have just been me that day.

 

 

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3 thoughts on “That day.

  1. Oh sweet friend…how I know so well of your pain…..you couldn’t have kept her from it anymore than you could have kept yourself from it….I’m so sorry you both had to experience it but please try to forgive yourself and know that he is at fault-not you (((hugs)))

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