“Sit with the feeling”.
My T tells me that often. I find it incredibly frustrating, but equally, understand the importance of feeling what I feel.
I need to let those feelings out, to let them finally breathe. It’s not easy though, in fact it’s the opposite of that, I don’t know that a word exists to describe how difficult it is. I am so uncomfortable, with feeling anything.
My T assures me it will leave- this feeling of shame, because it was never mine to begin with. It feels like mine, it’s familiar, it’s a part of me, shaping how I feel about the person I became, the person I should never have been.
How can it go, when it has been my anchor, for as long as I have known? It feels like it is a part of who I am. What if it is embedded too deep? What if it never goes?
I may not like the way I feel, I may not like dragging it around with me, yet it is safe somehow, it is what I know.
Will that day come when I can say, that the truth is my only anchor? And will that be the day, when I finally find freedom from my past?