Waiting

It won’t always be this way

you have to believe

Believe.

It won’t always hurt

have faith in him.

Have Faith.

 

So you do all the right things, you get therapy and you listen to your T.

You eat well, you stay hydrated, you stay away from the alcohol, you try to sleep and you keep to a routine.

You do as you are told.

 

And you wait, not so patiently, but you wait all the same.

 

Waiting.

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Eyes Wide

but afraid to see

 

Bonded to the nightmare

invisible chains restraining

repeatedly forced

to fight the battle

 

Pounding heart

chanting

Give in, give up

inside screaming

 

Clawing back

hanging on

a search within

willing victory

 

In. Out.

Desperately praying

straining at the bonds

time to face the demon.

 

Overpowered, once again

resigning

enslaved to that fate

darkness encompasses

 

Eyes wide, but still afraid to see.

 

Why do we suffer?

Do you ever wonder why?  By that I mean, why do bad things happen? Why are people starving, why isn’t there peace? Why aren’t we ALL free? Free from persecution, free from abuse, blah blah blah..

Why doesn’t the all powerful God step in and help? Why does he watch while we suffer?

I’ve wondered why a lot, more than wondered- I’ve demanded, shouted, pleaded to know why.

My wonderful friend has warned me many times of the dangers of asking why.It is a dangerous question, because it has no real answer. Asking it isn’t all that helpful, it has never got me anywhere except further into the depths of despair and loneliness.

Who am I to ask why anyhow? Who am I to question God?

So where does that leave me?

Surprisingly (to me at least), that’s left me with the (shaky, if I’m honest!) foundations of trust and faith, a deeper need to have God in my life, a desire to get to know him better, to seek comfort in his presence.