Captive

I don’t want you anymore

let me let you go

I no longer need your protection   

Please, it’s time I took the lead

 

I thank you for taking over

I love you for saving me

I owe you my life

for it was a life you gave me

 

You sacrificed yourself, 

you took my fear and anguish

and you made it your own

I could not have survived alone.

 

 

You were like an umbrella

my shelter from the storm

Like a veil, you concealed me

from the unbearable truth

 

But now I must control

No more jumping to the fore

All I seek is truth now

no matter the pain or cost

 

Once my rescuer

now you hold me captive

A slave to you still, see

you have to set me free.

 

Darlin’ I am safe now, 

please allow me to feel

relinquish your control

It is time for me heal.

 

Seeking

Therapy Friday prompted me to write this, it is from how I felt during my time with him to how I feel two days on. I’m disheartened to say the least, but I know my T would scold me and tell me how much progress I’m making. Anyway, here it is. 

 

Power, control and safety

I seek their blessed freedom

Glimmers of hope he gave me

with him I could finally see

 

daring to reach out and grasp them

time whisked them away from me

In his presence I found them

but alone just a distant dream.

 

My familiar ghosts surround me

lingering, their closeness I seek

sickeningly, I find in them comfort

No fight, they lead me back home

 

We are safe.

 

There’s nothing here, it’s empty

but it’s freedom from that torment

the walls are unbreakable

In here she is safe.

 

Outside there’s an echo,

a pull back to reality

I can feel her try to leave me

I pull her back to where she’s safe

 

because I won’t let it penetrate here,

this is shelter from that sentence

she must remain in my refuge

here I will keep her safe.

 

One day she desires her freedom

she must see I can’t let her go now

she needs this place, we both do

here we are safe.

 

This once her haven

she now says is our prison,

she takes my hand and leads me

I realise together we are safe.